Everything has Changed
by CowboySteel
Summary: L/J: Lily is pregnant and James' breath smells of sick. Everything is going to rat shit and James realises it only ever takes once. [Standard James finds out fic basically. I don't make my job easy do I? It says summary, Laura. jfc.] Rated for swearing.


_Disclaimer: Characters not mine, nor the lyrics - J.K. Rowling and T. Swift respectively.  
_

_All I knew this morning when I woke_  
_ Is I know something now, something now I didn't before_  
_ And all I've seen since eighteen hours ago_  
_ Is green eyes and freckles in your smile_  
_ In the back of my mind making me feel right_

**In which James finds out they forgot something. Namely contraception.**

* * *

She's pregnant.

She's _fucking _pregnant.

He has to bend over the sink, he thinks he might be sick.

He's being dramatic. But for goodness sake – his wife is _pregnant._

He gags and Lily puts a hand on his back. _Oh shit _– he should be looking after her. She probably thinks he's upset. He turns to look at her but the minute he opens his mouth, vomit comes out of nowhere. He bends over the kitchen sink, his lanky body almost doubled up as he braces himself against the stainless steel, heaving painfully.

Lily is rubbing his back in calm circles and he hates himself. She's pregnant – she's _harbouring_ a baby, not him. She's the one carrying a tiny human being who they'll both be completely responsible for and-

He heaves again.

Nothing comes out. He coughs and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. He turns to Lily with earnest and mutters a shameful "Sorry," before taking her hand and leading her to a chair. He makes her sit – isn't that what you do? Don't pregnant ladies need to sit?

Lily is a pregnant lady.

She's 19.

He sinks down into another chair. He tries not to look distressed.

"James?" Lily is trying not to cry. This is not at all how she hoped this moment would go. Her voice trembles and she, too, feels sick, but she's not sure if that's the morning sickness or not. She suspects not. She wants James to look at her. She wonders if he's going to leave.

But that's not the James she married. James never gives up. He's never given up anything in all his life. He joined Flitwick's choir in 6th year for a bet and he stayed at it for a month, even though he hated it and was absolutely tone deaf. And he never gave up on her. Not once. Not even when he went out with Gail Peakes in the summer before 7th year. He doesn't just give up - it's not what he does. He can't take no for an answer most of the time and he fights more stubbornly than anyone Lily has ever known. He won't give up, that's not like him.

_Surely. _

There is that flicker of doubt and it's killing her. She doesn't want to doubt him – she loves him and he loves her. They were at least resolute in that. But what if this is James Potter's tipping point? What if it's all a sodding illusion and they married because of the war and because people were dying and for god's sake, who wants to die alone? What if she dies alone? What if she is bloody well alone?! She wants to cry.

"You're pregnant," James says finally, rubbing his chin, his fingers brushing against the day-old stubble.

Lily nods. "Yes." Her voice is small and everything is going to rat shit.

James swallows and wipes his hands down the seam of his trousers. His palms are sweating and he wonders if he's quite well.

"Are you...happy about...it?" James asks tentatively, not knowing what else to say.

Lily bites her lip, really not knowing how she feels about the whole damn mess. She thinks she was happy about it. She thinks she _is. _It's all a bit muddled at the nods once. "I...um, think so?" Her hand moves to her stomach subconsciously and her bottom lip wobbles. "It's just really bad timing and-"

"Hey-" James leaps to his feet and takes her hand in his, sitting on the table beside her chair. He still looks pale and so does she and both of them want to sob at each other about the injustice of this sorry situation and the god_awful_ timing and the fact they forgot to use a fucking condom.

One time.

It's all it takes.

James will not realise the irony at all, when he forgets something else for the first time, and that's all takes.

But still, he has her hand clasped in his and he just stares at it, his thumb gently touching the wedding ring on her finger.

_For better or for worse_

Lily is crying now. James shakes his head and strokes the back of her neck softly.

"I'm sorry, Lil," he says quietly, not knowing what else he can do or say or how to stop her crying. He wants to cry himself; he feels so small and pathetic. He's still a child – they're _both_ still children. How the hell can he be expected to bring up a child?

But it is his child. His child – his and Lily's.

Yes, it is completely the wrong timing and they are still so young but – if they planned it for the future, then why not now as well? He could think of a million reasons logically, but logic flew out of the window the minute Lily Evans agreed to marry him. And they married young, didn't they? And that felt completely right. Nothing could have been more right, more complete and utterly _right. _Maybe this was the natural thing to do. His and Lily's love was bigger now – and they had someone else to give it to. He looked at Lily and his heart ached.

Fuck, he loves her so much.

Just.

_Fuck._

"I think it's perfect," he murmurs, stroking her hair once more and taking her hand in both of his.

Her breath hitches and she frowns at him.

"You were sick, James! I told you I was pregnant, and you vomited! How is this perfect? How?" Her breaths are short and hysterical as she tries not to sob.

James jumps down and kneels next to her. "No, no, listen, I was wrong, I was just scared is all, I just-" He looks at her sadly, and puts a hair behind her ear. "Okay. Maybe you're right. It's not _perfect. _My breath does still smell of sick, and you're crying and fuck, you're going to get fat..."

Lily glares at him.

James apologises.

"I don't mean that – look, just...it's _weird_. You have a whole human inside of you-" Lily sobs harder. "No, please, don't cry, I mean- fucking hell! I can't even speak." James kicks himself metaphorically, though he would gladly do it physically as well if it would help him get his point across.

"Listen, I don't know where to start, Lily. I don't know where to start. I just-" He takes a deep breath and shifts closer to her. "I just _know _that I love you. And it's enough. And we'll be alright, because there's just no other option, is there? This baby is ours and if we're going to have a go, we may as well do it now, hadn't we?"

Lily looks up at him with shining eyes. "What about the Orde-"

"Oh, sod the Order. Sod it all. We deserve a life." He smiles, for the first time all day. "Our baby deserves a life. I mean...you are happy about it?"

Lily smiles, for the first time all day. Her eyes are puffy and red but her smile lights up the dark room. She knows now, she knows how she feels. James isn't leaving and they're going to be a family. "Ecstatic," she breathes and James puts his forehead to hers and the both give one of those spluttery laughs that comes after relief.

"We're having a baby," Lily whispers, and both of them smile.

"Fucking hell, we're having a baby," James says back, still pretty much unable to comprehend the fact he has just accepted and Lily laughs.

She kisses him delicately. "You're going to have to stop all that swearing, you know." She smiles knowingly. "If we're to have this baby."

James doesn't know why, but he just can't stop grinning.

"Okay."

He does know why.

He's having a baby.

With the love of his life.

And she keeps saying "We."

He'd happily give up swearing to hear that "We", again and again for the rest of his life.

It never fails to surprise him.

It never fails to swell his heart.

He's a "We" with Lily Evans (_Potter, Lily fucking Potter_) and now there's new one.

A new Potter, a new "We" and James Potter cannot stop grinning for the life of him.


End file.
